Bucket Lists and other tragedies

I hear that "bucket lists" are supposed to be realistic goals that people hope to accomplish before dying.  They're meant to be calls to adventure, or something like that (blog title drop!), and inspire the list-makers to go out and... do... things!... stuff!... with their lives.

I have a bucket list that grows every now and then, but I wouldn't call it realistic.  Nor adventurous.  See, I have zero desire to do Extreme! Anything!, so.. parasailing over jets of flame while being strafed by a helicopter is not on my To-Do list.  I'm not saying it could never happen to me, only that I won't be seeking it out.

No, it's worse than that.  My bucket list is lopsided with celebrity encounters beyond paying for an autograph/photo at a convention, or a 1-second glimpse during a random encounter.  The weird part is that I don't read gossip magazines and fantasize off them.  I watch movies and TV shows and think, "I want to meet (some of) the people who are onscreen," compared to my sister who does read gossip magazines, but has no interest in meeting the people in them, nor even watching what they do.

Interactions with Celebs aren't the only items on my list, but probably more than should be for someone who has no connections at all to The Industry.  There's a lot of Disney stuff, too.  The latter might change in a few years after I lose interest in it.  Here's what I mean:

• Sing a duet with Seth MacFarlane.  I'm also a tenor, so we could probably do some Rat Pack thing.  But with all due respect, Seth, please: nothing from Guys and Dolls!
• Sing a duet with Kristen Chenoweth. I can fake being a soprano, but only for "What Is This Feeling?" from Wicked. I'll even let her sing Elphaba's part this time if she likes.
• Be a guest voice on Robot Chicken
• Family Guy, too.
• Art Time with Johnny Depp and his kids.  Any excuse to bring Super Sculpey to folks.  Of course they're probably too old by now and/or never cared about clay art.  What? It's not like we'd be talking about his movies; he never watches them, the putz!
• Hang out with Ben Affleck and talk about comic books until both our voices have gone hoarse and we've forgotten what day it is
• Or with Seth Green, if Ben's busy that day
• But not Kevin Smith.  Long story why
• A Disney cruise.  Too bad they cost a fortune and have to be booked about 2 years in advance.  Stupid rich Disney fans.  Why are there so many of you???
• Stand with my back to the mouth of a batcave near dusk, arms spread wide and eyes closed, and just let them fly past me in a magnificent swarm of leathery wings.
• Be a celebrity's best friend/confidante. Papparazzi and People would get nothing from me.
• Make my house and/or condo into my own version of Disneyland.  Each room will be a "land," knowwhatImsaying?
• Win the Megamillions jackpot or Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes.  Whatever will let me retire immediately and fulfill my destiny of becoming a completely useless misanthrope.
• That somebody of influence finds one or all of my books, reads it/them, likes it/them, and adapts it/them into movie(s).  And I don't mean somebody in charge of SyFy Channel Saturday night movies.
• Eat at Club 33 (another Disney reference. Sorry)
• Not die, therefore negating a bucket list

I'm probably supposed to have things like "Lose weight," "Fall in love," "Get married," and the like, but those are really low on my To-Do list.  Well, to be fair, I have been losing weight, but in a laid-back way, so it's not going on any motivational list.  It'll happen over time and there you are.

And notice that my celeb encounters have nothing to do with sex.  It's because I don't want to "do" any of them.  No lie: I'm not attracted to any actor, no matter how good-looking.  Also missing are things about traveling to exotic lands, saving the world, and curing cancer.  I prefer super comfy travel to help me get over the fact that I hate traveling and am not at home at the time.  That's why I have an entry like "Disney cruise" instead of "hike the Alps" or "single-handedly lead Haiti out of poverty."  I've also left off things that are practically inevitable, like "Get a new car" and "Shop at Costco more often."

There it is, until I can think of more things.  As you can see, a good chunk of the list consists of impossible dreams, i.e. things I could not actually arrange on my own.  See, I spend as little time in the real world as I can.